I've read this 15 times....

When I was teaching elementary school, I primarily taught 4th and 5th grade.  They were my favorite grades to teach and I still am in contact with several students that I had during those years.  One of my favorite books to read or do a novel unit on was Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia Maclachlan.  If you have never read this award wining book let me sum it up real quick.  Two children and their father live on the prairie.  The mother has died during the birth of the second child.  The father places an ad for a mail order bride and Sarah, from Maine arrives. I have easily read this book 15 times in my life if not more.  When I was planning our school year out this year, I was so excited that the kids were finally old enough to do a novel unit on it!

Yesterday, we were finishing up the book.  Sarah has gone to town after the father taught her to drive the wagon.  Caleb and Anna, the children, have been very worried that she wouldn't come back. We came to this passage:

"Papa took the reins and Sarah climbed down from the wagon.

Caleb burst into tears

'Seal was very worried!' he cried

Sarah put her arms around him, and he waited into her dress. 'And the house is too small, we thought! And I am loud and pesky!'"

We kept reading and Kiana said, "Wait! Caleb is like (sweet) C.  Bad things happened to him and he has trauma.  He is saying all these other things that he was worried about instead of saying what he is really worried about...Sarah not coming back." I have read this book over and over and NEVER made that connection, but she was spot on.

Tears gathered in my eyes.  As a teacher, it was a proud moment.  She made a real world connection, she comprehended this deep story.  But as a Mama...as a Mama this is a moment that made me realize that she gets it.  She gets it better than most adults in our life get it. Kiana is living with a child who has experienced unspeakable trauma.  Who very often has outbursts and behaviors that make no sense to any of us and often make the whole house feel very chaotic.  Kiana doesn't even know half of the things that have happened to sweet C, but she has figured out that those horrible things that happened in the first 7 years of her life have caused her brain to not function in a normal way all the time.  Sweet C has come a long way in the 19 months she has been with us.  She has healed and learned to trust, but there is so much work to do still.  Some days seem like we take 5 steps back and some days it seems like we take no steps forward.

When we felt called to foster this time around, we were most worried about how it would affect Charlie and Kiana.  They were 7 and 8, formative ages.  But the thing we have found is that our children have a level of patience and understanding that even we don't often.  They show compassion in times when we want to scream.  They accepted sweet C, the Peanut Butter, and Mr. J without blinking an eye.  They both became the most amazing helpers with the babies and immediate siblings with C.  Their entire world has been turned upside down, they have had people in and out of their home, they have learned about counselors, and caseworkers, and judges.  We could have protected them from all this, we could have said no to this hard calling, we could have waited until they were older, maybe more mature.  But then we wouldn't have seen a whole different side of our precious children, the compassion, the patience, the love, the acceptance of anyone.  We could have missed this and so could have they.

Over two years ago we sat Charlie and Kiana down for a family meeting in our kitchen.  Kiana was sitting right next to Phil, in a tutu, sweatshirt, and crazy hair.  Phil started telling the kids what we were feeling called to, that we believed that Jesus wanted us to be foster parents again.  He said that we wanted to hear their thoughts because it would be a family decision and affect them.  That little 6 year old looked up at her Daddy with her big brown eyes and said, "Well Dad, if you would have said no the first time, I wouldn't be here.  So I guess you know what to do."

Maybe they were more ready than we thought.  Maybe God had prepared their hearts and minds for sweet C to be in our home.

Sometimes, words fail.  They did that night, they did the other day reading Sarah, Plain and Tall.